Mary’s dream date in There’s Something About Mary wants a guy who can play 36 holes of golf, then have the stamina to haul her and her brother Warren to a baseball game. He needs to be okay with eating sausages. And he needs to drink real beer. Not lite beer.
That’s a lot of energy.
It’s funny. It’s honest. It’s memorable. But if you’re trying to attract a partner online today, you might want to add a little more about yourself to that equation. Mary could have sold herself better. She’s gorgeous. She’s loyal. She’s down to earth.
We don’t see her selling those traits in the ad. We just assume they’re there because she’s Cameron Diaz.
For real humans, personal ads aren’t magic. But they are tools. They can get you out of your small circle of coworkers and friends. They can help you find someone who actually matches your weird specificities.
But how you write matters. A bad profile gets ignored. A good one gets replies.
Here is how to write a profile that works.
Talk yourself up. But keep it real.
You need to highlight what you bring to the table. What makes you fun to be around? How would your best friend describe you?
Toni Coleman, a relationship coach in McLean, Va., says you should strut your stuff. Be upbeat. But don’t be fake.
If you sound like a corporate resume, people scroll past. If you sound like a desperate person, they scroll past. Find the sweet spot. Be confident. Be you.
Ditch the formal tone. Be funny.
Evan Marc Katz, who wrote I Can’t Believe I’m Buying This Book, says this: If you have fun writing it, the reader will have fun reading it.
Stop saying “I like to have fun.” That tells us nothing.
Try this instead:
“Karaoke? Rock climbing? Strip poker? Road trip to Vegas? Go on, dare me. I’ll do it.”
See the difference? One is a cliché. The other is a story. Stories captivate. Generic descriptions do not.
Include a recent funny experience. Share a weird hobby. Write like you talk.
Choose your words carefully.
Want a wealthy man? You sound like a gold digger.
Want a stunning woman? You sound superficial.
Be specific about what you actually want. Looking for someone ambitious? Fit? Kind? Ambitious? That doesn’t offend anyone. It just clarifies your intent.
Clarity attracts the right people. Vague language attracts the wrong ones.
The photo rule.
No photo? No contact.
People won’t reach out to a blank space.
Get a recent photo. Make it flattering. But make it true.
Katz suggests a pic that shows your playful side. Or one with family and friends. It shows you have a life. It shows you’re social.
Coleman agrees. People will find out the truth soon enough. Don’t mislead them. Just represent yourself honestly.
Proofread. Always.
Sloppy writing makes you look sloppy.
Check your grammar. Fix your typos. Read it over again.
It takes five minutes. It saves you from looking careless.
What you leave out matters too.
Do not post about your broken heart. Do not complain about your job. Do not list your trauma.
Leave out personal information for security. Name. Address. Workplace.
Keep it positive. Focus on what you love. Focus on who you are.
The result.
Follow these six rules.
- Be sincere but confident.
- Keep it fun and creative.
- Be specific about what you want.
- Use a flattering, true photo.
- Proofread everything.
- Stay positive.
Personal ads help you date less duds. They help you zero in on potential.
Whether you like golf and beer or opera and fine cuisine, the right person is out there.
They just need to find you.
