It is absurd. It is heartbreaking. And if you are reading this, you have likely experienced both in the last few family group chat.
Here is the reality: political extremism isn’t just a policy disagreement. For many, it has become a full belief system. A lifestyle. A tribal identity. You might have a relative who swears the government is run by lizard people or who shares fringe conspiracy links with the same gravity they’d use to discuss the weather.
Trying to debate these individuals using standard logic doesn’t work. It never works. The goal isn’t to win. You cannot deprogram someone in a single text message or a holiday dinner argument.
Experts in cult recovery and high-control group dynamics offer a different approach. Strategies designed for navigating relationships with those caught in movements like MAGA suggest that the objective is preservation. Connection. Not conversion.
Here is how to handle these conversations without losing your mind or the relationship.
Use Curiosity, Not Correction
Steven Hassan, founder of the Freedom of Mind Resource Center and author of The Cult of Trump, offers a stark perspective: your relative hasn’t just changed their mind. They’ve been “hacked.”
“They are going to come out,” Hassan says. “Keep telling yourself they’re still there.”
This perspective shift is essential. If you view them as a lost cause, you will act with resentment. If you view them as someone temporarily lost in a high-control belief system, you can act with patience.
Hassan advises going back in your memory. Remember who they were before the ideology took hold. The childhood friend? The loving parent? The quirky aunt? Hold onto that image.
When they share a conspiratorial claim, do not counter with facts. Counter with questions. Simple, concise, and answerable questions.
- “Tell me more about why you believe that?”
- “Where did you get that information?”
Then, stop talking.
“Be patient and quiet,” Hassan says. Let the silence hang. It forces them to think, to process, to realize the absurdity of their own words without you pointing it out.
Mirroring is also a powerful tool. Say, “So, did I understand you correctly? You believe X and Y?”
Let them confirm it. When people hear themselves spoken back to, especially in a neutral tone, cognitive dissonance often sets in. You are building a respectful bridge. You are signaling that you are listening, even if you disagree.
Plant Seeds, Don’t Start Wars
Daniella Mestyanek Young, a cult survivor and author of Uncultured, points out a critical detail often missed by liberal relatives: people don’t choose misinformation out of malice.
“They didn’t choose misinformation so much as they fell into it,” Young says. “Often due to loneliness, fear, or a need for significance.”
Recognizing the emotional void that extremism fills allows for a gentler rebuttal. Instead of attacking the belief, address the source or the feeling.
Try this: “I’ve looked into this, and it seems widely debunked. Would you be open reading a source I trust?”
Or: “I know this feels true right now. It’s coming from a site with a history of disinformation. Can I share my concern?”
If the topic is too heated, pivot.
“It’s really hard to talk when there is so much false information out there,” Young suggests. “Maybe we can focus on something else?”
The aim is to plant a seed of doubt. Not through condescension, but through kindness. You aren’t trying to win the argument. You are trying to keep the door ajar for when they eventually start questioning things on their own.
Know Your Triggers and Theirs
Self-awareness is the first line of defense.
Hassan emphasizes that you must identify what triggers your anger. If you know that hearing a specific slogan makes your blood boil, recognize it. Don’t let it dictate your reaction.
“The goal is not for me to have them in my life based on my criteria for their exit,” Hassan explains. “The goal is to help them realize for themselves that they aren’t happy there.”
Attacking a high-control group member makes them retreat. Hostility validates their narrative that “they” (the outside world) are against “us.” People respond to love, respect, and praise. They do not respond to hostility.
Young adds that this isn’t a permanent state. Human beings are capable of change and growth. But change requires safety, not siege.
Set Boundaries to Protect Peace
Sometimes, the strategy of connection fails. Sometimes, the other person refuses to engage with curiosity and doubles down on aggression.
In these cases, disengagement is not a failure. It is a survival tactic.
Young recommends specific phrasing to establish boundaries without burning bridges:
- “I love you too much to argue about this.”
- “These conversations don’t feel good to me. I’m setting a boundary.”
- “I want to connect with you, not debate you.”
- “Let’s keep this space politics-free.”
Boundaries are not about controlling their behavior. They are about protecting your peace. You are not obligated to stay in conversations designed to harm you, whether through misinformation or power plays.
If they push, step away. End the interaction. Go for a walk. Leave the room. The goal is to exit with your dignity intact.
Keep the Tether
Here is the hardest part to accept: Connection does not require agreement.
We are living through a period Young calls “spiritual intoxication.” Misinformation offers belonging. It offers certainty. It is addictive.
The most radical act you can take is often the quietest. Refuse to play the game. Stay grounded in your values. Do not argue.
“A life raft doesn’t have to be large,” Young says. “It just has to float.”
Why does this matter?
Because the “exit costs” for leaving high-control ideologies are brutal. The biggest barrier isn’t the belief itself. It is the shame.
When people realize they have been manipulated, they fear facing the people they alienated. They fear saying, “You were right. I was wrong.”
If you have destroyed the relationship, that bridge is burned. They cannot return.
But if you keep a light tether… if you send a birthday text… if you comment on a photo of their grandkid… you maintain the thread of humanity.
That thread might be the only thing they use to climb back out when the fog lifts.
And honestly? That is enough.
